my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think my vagina is haunted
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
