Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
