I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
