you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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