I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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