We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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