So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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