Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
