can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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