Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
