....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
