is your mom at the bar?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
