How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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