Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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