As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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