never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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