I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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