Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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