i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
