I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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