pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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