It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
