OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
