i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
