sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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