that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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