First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
