phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
