She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
