does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
