I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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