So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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