im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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