best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
