The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i believe in u and ur pee
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
