i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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