Define "chronic" masturbator.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
