So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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