The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
