Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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