I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.