we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them