Texts From Last Night

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  (727): View more from Florida

  I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.

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  (727): I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused. http://tfl.nu/bje5
  Replies (24) Good night (1182) Bad night (3995)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?

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  (979): Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"? http://tfl.nu/w79j
  Replies (148) Good night (6195) Bad night (1279)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.

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  (785): It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired. http://tfl.nu/t1fn
  Replies (9) Good night (3369) Bad night (943)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly

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  (203): You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly http://tfl.nu/snl2
  Replies (7) Good night (2736) Bad night (1002)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.

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  (407): Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer. http://tfl.nu/w1nq
  Replies (8) Good night (843) Bad night (1523)
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  (909): View more from California

  Every concussion has its silver lining

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  (909): Every concussion has its silver lining http://tfl.nu/a47p
  Replies (8) Good night (1031) Bad night (781)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision

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  (401): I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision http://tfl.nu/c6qu
  Replies (0) Good night (949) Bad night (505)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.

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  (601): The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know. (615): My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens. http://tfl.nu/91vw
  Replies (10) Good night (1948) Bad night (551)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?

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  (574): should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know? http://tfl.nu/sb56
  Replies (10) Good night (615) Bad night (1283)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts

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  (716): I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts http://tfl.nu/te6p
  Replies (4) Good night (350) Bad night (588)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me

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  (+44): Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me http://tfl.nu/bng3
  Replies (0) Good night (440) Bad night (798)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT

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  (727): man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT http://tfl.nu/gnnh
  Replies (0) Good night (394) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force

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  (209): Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force http://tfl.nu/m7mw
  Replies (1) Good night (588) Bad night (371)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  my poor anus

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  (276): my poor anus http://tfl.nu/2t3b
  Replies (10) Good night (305) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.

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  (615): I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving. http://tfl.nu/50sh
  Replies (6) Good night (350) Bad night (235)

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