So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?