Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
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How has he not realized you're pregnant?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?