Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low