I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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