how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
