garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
false alarm. still invincible.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
