I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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