I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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