Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
