if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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