I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
