Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
