Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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