my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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