So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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