My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
