what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
