FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
