wat bout pragnant strippers??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
