I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
