is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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