They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
