It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
