Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
