You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
