I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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