i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
