I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
