u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
