You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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