capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
