Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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