my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
