Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
