2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
