My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
