how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
