It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
